Another week, another step forward.

Week 2...

Half way through teaching school. I went into this past week with more confidence, but by Wednesday I was completely broken down again. The whirl of emotion and intensity of school and life in Hanoi I think has pushed me to the edge....and though masochistic to a degree, it is a good thing. I needed this. I must have my boundaries tested. Now I know how low I can go and still move forward...or do I?

I cannot possibly go into all the details of what my week held. I think you have a pretty good idea by now. This week had additional responsibilities and Hanoi tested me in ways I never could have imagined. Where the first week was getting to and from school in intense heat, this week was rain, rain, rain. Both Michael and I had to wear shorts, sandals and a plastic bag with a hood. Our shoes in a plastic bag as well, so we could get changed into dry clothes when we got to school. At this point one never knows when there will be a torrential downpour and if you will get caught in it...you're screwed. When Friday evening arrived, after a long day, and an even longer week, I stepped outside to a heavy rain. The traffic was insane, chaotic and I just trudged ahead thinking to myself....this is madness. Upon my arrival at home, I needed to take Liu Ce outside in all of this to do her business. Now imagine being 7 lbs, no shelter and being expected to pee? The rest of the night was a struggle, but again, had to move forward....always.

There have been successes this past week as well. Though I felt my third and fourth lesson was dismal, I actually did quite well. I need my confidence to improve and not be such a nervous wreck when I have to go on stage....so to speak. It is all so new.

I have experienced this past week with exhaustion both mentallly and physically beyond my imagination. So many times when I have wanted to get on a plane and leave, I have found the need to go on. You must celebrate the joys even if small and see beyond the frustration and what feels like hell. A cold beer at the end of the day, having good coffee everywhere, the children are beyond cute, a thunderstorm (when you are sheltered and in bed), an incredible lunch for $2.00, a smile from a stranger after most you pass won't. May I also add accomplishing more in one day than you have ever accomplished in most weeks and realizing that you must live moment to moment - tomorrow is another day and perhaps the most important of all.....that you are the one who decides if you are going to have a good day or a bad day. It is soooooo true about perspective and not getting caught up in the anger and frustration and not see that you can make the choice. This will likely be the best and worst and in the end....all incredible.

Today was Saturday and it went too fast and had new frustrations. Tomorrow is Sunday and I plan to really focus on joy and if it does not come to me, I will beat it out of myself until I feel the euphoria. Laughing at myself and all of it.