What is in a Stare?

One of the fascinating and frustrating aspects of living in a completely different culture than yours is that you stand out like a sore thumb, some of us more than others. With that being said, it greatly varies in how locals look, gaze, glance or stare at you.

Living in Vietnam I have had many different kinds of these looks. Rarely do I ever get the opportunity to understand what they are thinking and what is in that stare. How I perceive a stare depends on so many things: My mood, the others mood, self esteem, age, sex , education and amount of exposure to anything that is different than you. These stares are every day and at times overwhelming. I knew moving to this land having tattoos and a crazy mustache would attract attention, but had no idea it would be so intense at times. There are moments when I do not want to be the freak on parade and simply assimilate or be the boring one. That clearly will never happen.

I am fascinated by what is in a stare and at times wish I knew what it meant. When you do not understand a language or culture you can never be sure. I always try to find the humor in it all and wanted to share the variety of stares I get and I observe. I am a portrait artist after all and I am watching people constantly.

So, what is in a stare?

The Curious Stare. This stare is non-threatening and the most common. This is pure fascination and playfulness. Children and adults will look at you with an expression that is approachable and simply trying to figure out what they see. Smiles often are present.

The Utter Fear Stare. This stare is the complete opposite of ‘the curious stare’ in that the expression is of fear, horror or disgust. The observer’s face is contorted, in shock, complete dismay and best to avoid this person. Do not stare back or approach.

The Celebrity Stare. You are the STAR!!! This is usually by young Vietnamese, in groups and with verbal and/or physical expression. They want to touch you, look at you closer, take pictures with you, drink with you, be your FB friend, etc. This is great for your ego.

The Glare of Death Stare. This can be by an individual or a group. The glare is often without expression, looking not at you, but through you and recommended not to approach. When approached they can acquire ‘The Utter Fear Stare”. This is a glare and they are not curious or interested. Avoid this stare at all costs.

The Disapproval Stare. This is usually by the older people. They lived during hard times when individuality and foreigners were not so common. This stare is the worst of all because it surfaces past disdain from others when you were young and weird. This is not friendly and best left alone. These individuals usually have this look on their faces everyday/all day, anyway. Just keep walking and try to smile back and find the humor in it all.

In the Western culture we are taught not to stare. It is usually considered rude and without verbal communication. When I get these stares in that world I often approach the person and express my thoughts. Unfortunately, in Vietnam with the language barrier I cannot do that. When I am overwhelmed with the stares and I approach a person or group it rarely goes well. Most people that stare do not want you to know they are doing it and therefore when caught or approached it can be threatening. Other times in rare cases the stare reveal can be rewarding.

One of the important lessons I have learned living in Vietnam is that I am an observer. The second important lesson learned is that ignorance can indeed be blissful. I am often overwhelmed with stimulus and do not need or want to understand everything….all the time.