2014 and beyond....some reflection.

It is only a few days after Christmas. Traditionally that weird time when you are not sure what day it is, what is going on and what just happened. Take that concept and multiply it by ten and that is where I am. 2014 was a great year and a difficult one too.

I wanted big change and here it is! The decision to make the big move was not difficult, but the journey was a bit painful. I have realized that parting with your possessions is not so hard, but parting with those you love dearly is. When Michael and I made the decision to move to Vietnam, you can never imagine in your wildest dreams what it actually entails. Would I do it again….yes, only different.

My heart and my head are in a challenging space right now and want to share that…

….Every day I greet our security man in our building. The only affective words are hello, but a warm handshake and many smiles are the norm. I wish I could say more.

… I step outside into our lovely street called Ha Hoi to walk Liu Ce many times a day and even on what is considered a quiet street, it is dangerous for the little one and wish it could be more relaxing. Only late at night can I let my guard down.

…I love my walk to the gym. I pass my favorite building that is a decaying shambles of the French colonial era and what a gorgeous villa it must have been. I want to paint it, restore it, but I see the beauty just as it is and it makes me happy. I see a lot of life on my short 15 minute walk. I take different routes simply to get a different look. When I reach my destination I am greeted with a grand staircase that makes me feel like a star whenever I arrive and depart. Every day should be like this.

….I have been challenged in many ways living here. So many things frustrate me and my mind often wanders to the negative of “What the hell is wrong with these people!!” With a lack of communication verbally, I only have my eyes. I see and experience things that do not make sense or are disturbing. My mind wants to figure it out, but cannot. I do my best to see things in a positive way and not judge. It is hard.

….The 13 little children I teach are some of the biggest joys and pains. At age two it is so difficult as a teacher to feel that you make a difference and with an attention span of 10 seconds, to keep them entertained and learning is….a struggle. Like walking Liu Ce on a dangerous street, I must be alert with the kids constantly with quick changes, dancing, singing, up, down, all around and I am exhausted. My respect out to all you parents. I am in ‘AWE’.

I want to fall in love with Hanoi. So many people do. I have already made a huge investment of myself and want my affair to improve. Do I need more friends? Do I need to be even more adventurous? I do not have the answers and it is all so personal. I hope something will spark in my head and my heart because it would make life easier, but I am a complex and bizarre individual and time will tell. I may need to go through more challenges than most. Perhaps I am too aware, too sensitive and too hard on myself….or all the above.

Wishing you all the best year ever. It is exciting to imagine the possibilities. I hope only the best of health, happiness and dreams that are fulfilled. I miss and love you all very much.

Note: The chosen photos is of Michael and is one of my favorite of so many good photos from 2014.