Look with your heart as well your eyes.

It has been quite a while since my last blog...sorry. I have been busy and it's been really hot. As usual there is so much to share. I have decided to only talk about my adjustment at ten months of living in Vietnam. I found the beginning half of life here to be a bit painful, especially emotionally. My mind has been trying hard to fight some things still and not sure how to overcome that...yet. It is the beginning of another week. I look at the weather app for the first time of many throughout my day. I have become obsessive about how hot it will be and if there will be a thunder storm. The app always shows the Weekly forecast and it is always hot, hot, hot. I have learned to think a high of 95 is a cool day and I dream of a rain storm. When you walk out of the cool bedroom from a night of Air con your first slap across the face, before coffee is a living room that is 90 degrees. Coffee becomes important. My breakfast is usually always the same. Oatmeal, yoghurt and honey and when I want to shake things up I add muesli or fresh fruit. I enjoy the morning routine. It is Michael, Liu Ce and me time and often a Skype call to a world I left behind. The walk to and from work, or from anywhere has never been a pleasure. Yes, Now walk boldly with purpose. I also can cross the street without much fear. I try to focus on something wonderful to not be overwhelmed by the motorbike exhaust, pollution in general and a city of 8 million people that do not follow many rules and do not understand Western manners and etiquette. An easy solution is to take a taxi which are cheap and plentiful. I feel I need to walk to be amongst the people. I do not want to contribute to yet another motorbike that Vietnam and the world does not need. When I do not fear danger then I am able to focus on the textures and details of Hanoi that make it special and beautiful. Five days a week I teach 2 - 3 year olds. It has all become more comfortable and I have accepted many things that I cannot change. Most would think I was crazy to take on 18 Vietnamese children, especially without prior child or kindergarten experience. Well, sometimes reality hits me hard and I feel an equal mix of pride and anxiety. At this point I can say it was worth the experience. It is very difficult to explain, but try to think of yourself at a huge party full of people that speak little English, they are enormously charming and though they may stare they are fascinated with you beyond belief. You are confused and do your best on instinct completely uncomfortable with the situation. In time you realize that though part of you wants to run, the other feels strangely welcome and willing to see where this goes. That analogy could easily be applied to my experience of living in Vietnam as well. I often compare teaching children to life in this country. I often feel like a child not sure of what to do, but I just try something. I have never in my life felt so comforter with the uncomfortable. Clearly I still have a long way to go. I do not feel that this is home. Having friends is very helpful both English and Vietnamese. Going out to experience new things in an already new world, is vital. Hanoi is not the urban, exciting big city that encourages me to express myself or be weird. It is not very openly gay. It is really hard to get around. Yet.....Hanoi does deliver much inspiration. Hanoi, like any place you live can be joyous or a nightmare. It truly depends on your perspective. I need to peel more layers back and find the weird and creative that I need to survive. I must look harder to see the beauty and the wonder. It is really all quite easy....simply open your heart and your eyes wider and everything becomes possible.