Love and Loss

I

I had a loss recently that has hurt my heart deeply. My partner Michael and I had to say goodbye to our little dog of 17 years, Liu Ce July 10th at 6.30pm, Hanoi Vietnam.

Our little Liu Ce has lived an incredible life that most people would be happy to have. She has traveled to three continents and given us some of the best love and joy anyone could ask for, unconditional, pure and in every day of her life. I am blessed to have had her for so long. From the moment I picked Liu Ce up at the breeder at all of 6 weeks of age, on a cold October night, she found a special place in my heart. Though many thought she was ugly or bizarre, all I ever saw was beauty.

Michael and I had the very difficult decision of putting her to sleep. You must ask yourself the question when is the right time to say ‘goodbye’. I can’t handle the feeling of guilt to end her life too soon, but I also cannot imagine coming home and discovering her dead or that she suffered. That was a reality I had to face every day. It is a horrible position to decide when to end the life of someone or something you love. That dreaded day came two days ago and let me tell you….sitting on the floor with Michael while we watched Liu Ce take her last breath was something of nightmares and I will never forget that moment. No regrets, only incredible sadness. It really, really sucks and many of you know what I am feeling. Yes, I know this is a part of life, but it does not make it any easier.

It is Sunday and I think I see my baby in the corner of my eye. I swear for a moment I can hear the tip tap of her long nails walking across the floor. I loved her until the end and that last goodbye, the last kiss and touch of her warm skin absolutely crushed me.

Whether you have lost a pet or any loved one, remember them in any way you can. There is no wrong way, just your way and you should respect and honor that. The sadness will be replaced with happiness again and life will go on. I needed to share something important and personal and if it connects with you, touches you and helps with your own pain, then a better person I am.

Rest in peace Liu Ce. I will miss you terribly.